The Dorchester Hotel

I see the Alain Ducasse restaurant at the Dorchester is booked out completely for the whole of next weekend, when the Swazi King, his  wives and various others pull in for a chow and a wedding. Bugs me a little that the food looks so great - 3 Michelin Stars - and that I'd have to sell a lot of stuff to comfortably afford a meal, but its on my list of things to do. However, when Mswati III decides it's the place to be on Friday, and can't decide between the Scottish Langoustine with sage and caviar, or the foie gras ravioli and duck consomme' - thats what really bugs me. Three quarters of Swazis don't earn more than R 1500 a month, but he's worth $ 100M. Hmm... the roasted scallop and Jerusalem artichokes, ... but its not like he has to check his wallet to see if he can cover the mignardises and gourmandises as well - AA Gill " As I looked around, I realised that nobody in this room was actually paying for their food: it was all on expenses. And, ultimately, all expense accounts are paid for by people who use goods and services. I hope it's scant joy for you to know that, although you will never eat, nor be able to afford to eat, at Alain Ducasse, you are still able to pay for those who do." So King, as you catch your reflection while placing a forkfull of sea bass and endives in your mouth, refocus on the street outside to the million Swazis looking in, and consider if you're still going to be around for the coffee and liqueurs...

Deon